Say What You Need To Say

                      I'll admit it, I'm not one to confide in a lot of people about how I feel. I tend to keep a lot of things inside, not knowing who to trust. What I find funny is that so many people come to me to confide in. They will text me or Facebook me saying "I need someone to talk to" or "I need advice, coffee?"... And I love it. I love when people come to me for advice, I love when people confide in me. I love how they share with me what they're feeling and I get to encourage them to press on for God's purpose that He holds for them. I am very passionate about that. He has so much in store for all of us, a unique plan that is huge, and people need to be reminded of it. We get caught up in this world, day to day routines, and forget to spend time with the one who gave us that day for His plan. We forget to say "Lord, I ask that you'll use me in whatever you're doing today" and totally surrender our time to Him. When we do that, it's crazy what happens. We start changing. You see the Spirit working in you. People start changing because of it. It's like little ripples in the water that are ongoing through the whole body of water. It's a movement.

                      I would keep on going about that, for I have much more to say on that subject. But that's the point. I get caught up in other people's lives and them telling me all what's going on, that I forget I have my own life and struggles that I'm holding in and not telling anyone. When things happen, I brush it off, pretending to myself and others it doesn't bother me. I hold things in and while I do it all builds up. And when it's finally full, it overflows, and I need to burst. But before I burst, I start getting stressed. I get in a bad mood and don't know why. All these little things build up in me and I want to scream and say "WHAT ABOUT ME." Even though I don't even realize what's wrong! Well, one of the nights where everything built up and it was time for one of my bursting occasions, I was watching TV. I heard this song come on in one of the commercials. I liked the feel of the song, so I looked it up on Youtube. It turned out the song was "Say" by John Mayer. I listened to it, and felt God speaking to me through the song. I felt like God was singing the song to me. He was saying "Say what you need to say, get your anger out on me, tell me why you're sad and why you're stressed, I'm here!" What struck me was that it's not like I was ignoring God during my "not telling anyone how I feel" phase. I was, I still talked to God every day. But what I finally realized is that I wasn't talking to God about ME. I was talking to Him about my dreams and goals, and about the people in my life, praying for them and their walk with God. But I forgot to tell Him how I was feeling, about my mixed emotions I was facing, about my confusion and stress. Why? Because I had pride that needed to be knocked down. Whenever I faced a struggle or a comment that hurt, I would shake it off telling myself "I'm not going to let it get to me. I'm not like most teenage girls. All the sensitive emotional ones. I'm different than them." I made myself believe it's not okay for me to be feeling like a normal teenage girl. I "don't get crushes." or I "don't let stupid boy's comments get to me." But what I needed to realize is that I AM a teenage girl, there's no getting around the emotions and feelings. Yes, I need to control them. But I couldn't keep holding them in and then bursting, which caused me to be angry and in a bad mood. I needed to trust somebody with my secrets. I needed to go to somebody for advice and help instead of just being the one to give it. I needed to admit. So after I heard that song, I went in my room and talked to God. Told him exactly how I felt, asked Him questions and for advice. I told Him to knock down my pride, to humble me... I also asked for forgiveness. 

                        Now, when something comes up, I talk to God, right then and there. Asking for His help and strength. I have peace when I do so. And when I get home, I go to my mom with all I feel and she gives me advice. She's the most amazing Godly woman I know, and I hope to be just like her, totally seeking God...And that humbles me. It reminds me that yes, people come to me for advice and for help, but God put me in that position(that I love), and God is the one that I get my help from. If I didn't go to Him for everything, how could I even help other people with what God would want them to do or push them in the direction to talk with God and grow in their personal relationship with Him. So, say what you need to say. Give all your frustrations to Him. All your worries and feelings and confusion. He can help more than anyone, and has all the answers. It's quite convenient :).

In prayer we must lay before Him what is in us, not what ought to be in us- C.S. Lewis

Even if your hands are shaking

And your faith is broken

Even as the eyes are closing

Do it with a heart wide open

Say what you need to say