Who I Want To Be

        I want to be a woman that has life beaming through her eyes and grace and acceptance in every touch. With every word that comes out of her mouth be loving, encouraging, and merciful. Someone who embraces others with hope, warmth, and gentleness. Who captivates people with such a rich beauty that pours from the inside that makes her truly lovely. A woman who influences others to pursue God and others, to find life. Someone who awakens the best in others and makes them feel alive and beautiful and worthy, because that's how their Creator sees them.

            I want to glow with a passion of a woman immensely enthralled with Jesus.

The Question of Worth

 For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.- Colossians 1:13-14


            It's hard for my mind to wrap around this verse. This verse states that we are now not part of this world, we are not categorized as sinners. We are looked at by the Father as his children in His kingdom. We are members of the royal priesthood. No matter what we've done, no matter what we do, we are washed by the precious blood of the Jesus Christ, so that now our God will see us just as pure as His Son. When Jesus died, the curtain in the temple ripped, and the separation between us and the Father was no more. We could now have relationship with Him, we could now freely enter His presence. We now have authority in the heavenly realm. With our faith God can do anything through us. We can move mountains. We can demand in the name of Jesus a sickness to leave, and it will. Because there is nothing that is more powerful then the name of Jesus. 
            I don't know about you, but a lot of times this is hard for me to believe. I feel unworthy. I feel like God is unpleased with me, like if He doesn't show Himself to me I am in the wrong and am unloved. Those are lies that we believe too quickly from Satan. We need to understand that Satan will do anything is his evil power to stop you from getting closer to God. There is spiritual war fare going on everywhere that we can't see. We live in the world where Satan and his demons roam to do evil and catch anyone they can. Until Jesus Christ returns again, this will always be going on. Satan knows that when we enter the presence of God, we will be more like Him. We will get closer to Him. We will hear His voice and have His will be done. We will show His light to the world and save lives. And well, Satan isn't very fond of those ideas. He wants to tear you and everyone down. Make everyone believe lies that go against everything that God tells us. God tells us that we're worthy to be in His presence. Satan tells us we could never be. God tells us that we're loved by the Most High. Satan tells us God is angry at us and we aren't loved. God tells us we have power through Him to do anything. Satan tells us we can't do anything and to give up. God tells us we're beautiful. Satan tells us no one can stand to look at us. God tells us he has a specific purpose for our lives. Satan tells us our lives are pointless. God tells us we're fully forgiven and our slate is clean. Satan tells us it's even more dirty then before and nothing can change that... I could go on about all the lies I hear, and sadly sometimes believe.
           I imagine Jesus, looking at His child that is believing those lies. Looking at him/her with such sadness in His eyes longing for His child to believe the truth and not be so easily fooled by the world and Satan. Lies that said run away from God instead of to God.
            Our enemy delights in that he can trick us into forgetting who we really are, members of the Royal Priesthood- that we are fully worthy of doing things beyond our imagination, and always being in the presence of GOD, our father. We are children of the Most High, and NOTHING can take that away. NO ONE can take away the right to enter His presence. We can enter boldly with faith and assurance because we are royalty in the Kingdom because of Jesus Christ dying on the cross. Despite whether we can feel Him or not because of the lies being told, we can trust and believe no matter what, we are worthy because of the blood of Jesus. We have power because of the blood of Jesus. We have access to the God of this Universe because of the blood of Jesus. We call God our Father and He calls us His children because of the blood of Jesus. If you believe it, then start living it!


"And so, dear brothers and sisters, we can boldly enter heaven's Most Holy Place because of the blood of Jesus. By His death, Jesus opened a new and life giving way through the curtain into the Most Holy place. And since we have a great High Priest who rules over God's house, let us go right into the presence of God with sincere hearts fully trusting him. For our guilty consciences have been sprinkled with Christ's blood to make us clean, and our bodies have been washed with pure water." - Hebrews 10:19-22
           

            

A Walk With Jesus

Something I long to do is take a walk with Jesus...Just Him and I. He can tell me stories about when He created the galaxies, universe, heavens. He can talk about the pain He feels when we sin and the joy He feels when we serve. What He was thinking when He knit me in my mother's womb. My purpose. He can look at me with the most loving eyes anyone could ever exchange while talking about why He died on the cross. He could embrace me in His arms while I cry out my fears and doubt. He could wipe my tears with His thumb while comforting me with words "My child, My child..." He can speak the truth and wisdom that I need to hear without evil coming in between. I could tell Him how I feel even though He knows even better than I do. He could tell me unsearchable things I did not know about my heart, my weaknesses, my strengths, my gifts. Then when it is time for Him to go back He would give me one last hug, look me in the eyes, and say "I love you. Trust Me. Even though you don't see Me, I am here."

Say What You Need To Say

                      I'll admit it, I'm not one to confide in a lot of people about how I feel. I tend to keep a lot of things inside, not knowing who to trust. What I find funny is that so many people come to me to confide in. They will text me or Facebook me saying "I need someone to talk to" or "I need advice, coffee?"... And I love it. I love when people come to me for advice, I love when people confide in me. I love how they share with me what they're feeling and I get to encourage them to press on for God's purpose that He holds for them. I am very passionate about that. He has so much in store for all of us, a unique plan that is huge, and people need to be reminded of it. We get caught up in this world, day to day routines, and forget to spend time with the one who gave us that day for His plan. We forget to say "Lord, I ask that you'll use me in whatever you're doing today" and totally surrender our time to Him. When we do that, it's crazy what happens. We start changing. You see the Spirit working in you. People start changing because of it. It's like little ripples in the water that are ongoing through the whole body of water. It's a movement.

                      I would keep on going about that, for I have much more to say on that subject. But that's the point. I get caught up in other people's lives and them telling me all what's going on, that I forget I have my own life and struggles that I'm holding in and not telling anyone. When things happen, I brush it off, pretending to myself and others it doesn't bother me. I hold things in and while I do it all builds up. And when it's finally full, it overflows, and I need to burst. But before I burst, I start getting stressed. I get in a bad mood and don't know why. All these little things build up in me and I want to scream and say "WHAT ABOUT ME." Even though I don't even realize what's wrong! Well, one of the nights where everything built up and it was time for one of my bursting occasions, I was watching TV. I heard this song come on in one of the commercials. I liked the feel of the song, so I looked it up on Youtube. It turned out the song was "Say" by John Mayer. I listened to it, and felt God speaking to me through the song. I felt like God was singing the song to me. He was saying "Say what you need to say, get your anger out on me, tell me why you're sad and why you're stressed, I'm here!" What struck me was that it's not like I was ignoring God during my "not telling anyone how I feel" phase. I was, I still talked to God every day. But what I finally realized is that I wasn't talking to God about ME. I was talking to Him about my dreams and goals, and about the people in my life, praying for them and their walk with God. But I forgot to tell Him how I was feeling, about my mixed emotions I was facing, about my confusion and stress. Why? Because I had pride that needed to be knocked down. Whenever I faced a struggle or a comment that hurt, I would shake it off telling myself "I'm not going to let it get to me. I'm not like most teenage girls. All the sensitive emotional ones. I'm different than them." I made myself believe it's not okay for me to be feeling like a normal teenage girl. I "don't get crushes." or I "don't let stupid boy's comments get to me." But what I needed to realize is that I AM a teenage girl, there's no getting around the emotions and feelings. Yes, I need to control them. But I couldn't keep holding them in and then bursting, which caused me to be angry and in a bad mood. I needed to trust somebody with my secrets. I needed to go to somebody for advice and help instead of just being the one to give it. I needed to admit. So after I heard that song, I went in my room and talked to God. Told him exactly how I felt, asked Him questions and for advice. I told Him to knock down my pride, to humble me... I also asked for forgiveness. 

                        Now, when something comes up, I talk to God, right then and there. Asking for His help and strength. I have peace when I do so. And when I get home, I go to my mom with all I feel and she gives me advice. She's the most amazing Godly woman I know, and I hope to be just like her, totally seeking God...And that humbles me. It reminds me that yes, people come to me for advice and for help, but God put me in that position(that I love), and God is the one that I get my help from. If I didn't go to Him for everything, how could I even help other people with what God would want them to do or push them in the direction to talk with God and grow in their personal relationship with Him. So, say what you need to say. Give all your frustrations to Him. All your worries and feelings and confusion. He can help more than anyone, and has all the answers. It's quite convenient :).

In prayer we must lay before Him what is in us, not what ought to be in us- C.S. Lewis

Even if your hands are shaking

And your faith is broken

Even as the eyes are closing

Do it with a heart wide open

Say what you need to say